Ake's Pains debuted in the University of Akron Buchtelite in September of 1977. The school's reputation as an institute of higher learning has still not recovered. Ake's Pains returns after a brief 32 year hiatus. It's back, baby!

Monday, May 23, 2011

No Bieber Shots Please!

I just heard about the latest teen pop sensation, Justine Bieber.  Apparently, Justine is very, very, popular.  She is all over the radio, television, magazines and this new, very popular thing, that people are calling the Internet.

Now you may think that Justine is just like the other former teen pop tarts like Britney, Christina, and Joe Montana’s daughter, Hannah.  These teen stars used suggestive videos and “hooker” outfits to increase their popularity in our sex-obsessed culture.  However the wonderful thing is Justine is not anything like that.  She is very plain-looking with slim hips and a relatively flat (hopefully still developing) chest.  She dresses modestly, wears little jewelry and even appears to wear no make-up. She shows no cleavage because she has no cleavage!  Justine does have a very cute, unique, hair style that surely will be copied by young women everywhere, ala Jennifer Aniston.

It is refreshing in this day and age to see a young woman succeed on talent alone.  Justine is serving as a strong role model to teen girls everywhere proving that you don’t have to dress or act sexy to be successful in this world.  And the girls are responding very positively to Justine by attending her concerts in large numbers and screaming loudly in approval when she enters the stage.  Teen girls also account for the great majority of her album and 8-track sales.

We can only hope that Justine remains pure and does not follow the path of those other slutty pop stars.  These women kept pushing the limits of sexual expression which ultimately results in them showing their hoohah.  This is sad.  There is no reason for this.  No one was questioning if they were indeed women, but they felt the need to flash the hoohah.  These women may have great voices, but there is nothing exceptional about their hoohahs.  Sure the guys looked.  Show a guy a hoohah and he will look at it.  But you’re a singer, not a porn star, so better to remember to put on some panties before leaving your crib. 

They probably did it for publicity reasons, but often the hoohah overshadowed the star.  You would hear on the radio, “Here is the latest release by Britney who showed her hoohah last week.”  Also, “In an exclusive interview Christina’s hoohah said while it enjoys the exposure and attention, it is not looking forward to January’s concert in Toronto.”

In response to this obsession with what our pop stars look like and how sexy they are, there is a new television show called “The Voice” where the contestants are judged by their voices alone.  This is a good start.  I think a better television show would be one called “The Hoohah” where the female singing contestants would show their hoohahs first.  Celebrity judges (maybe Hugh Hefner, Charlie Sheen and Ted Nugent) would select the woman with the best hoohah and she would be awarded voice lessons.  We would then follow her progression as a singer every week.  This would be similar to reverse engineering, if you will.  You may scoff at this idea, but you know you would watch the first episode.

But all this is what makes Justine special.  Never say never, but I don’t think there is any chance that she would ever sell-out and show the world her hoohah.  Justine has restored my faith in the youth of America.  Let’s just hope that other girl teen idols will follow in her footsteps.