June 26, 2009 – One of the worst days of my entire life.
The day before, I was deep in my comfort zone. I was
sooooooooo comfortable – like sitting in a soft, easy chair with a bottomless bag
of Doritos, comfortable. There was no need to try new stuff, meet new people or
do anything challenging, because that would require me to leave the comfort
zone - and that wasn’t going to happen.
But then Boom! – out of nowhere, I was separated from my
job of 16 years. I had done nothing wrong. I was well respected in my trade,
but the Great Recession was devastating to the trucking industry.
The human psyche is not equipped to handle a sudden drop
from the top to the bottom, especially when you aren’t at fault. I guess I took
it kind of hard. I barfed every morning for a few weeks. I was actually losing
a pound of weight every day. I was joyous the morning my weight stabilized – I
wasn’t going to waste away a pound at a time, I was going to live!
The mental challenge was just as difficult. I was cast out
at the very bottom of the job market and there were no jobs. None. My first
search on Monster.com yielded one job, that I was marginally qualified for, and
was two months old. My old friend Roger, who I reconnected with ten years ago
in a job seekers group, reminded me last month that: “We thought we would never
work again”. He remembers correctly.
To fill the idle time, I began writing an economic blog in
September 2009. I credit the blog with preserving my sanity during this ordeal.
And I was writing every week for the first time since college, which greatly
sharpened my skills. Writing this blog led to writing my humor blog, which led
to … whoa… we’re getting ahead of things.
I also began to network and meet hundreds of new people. Very
diverse people, much more interesting than the people I interacted with on most
days. (My new friends are great. I love ya!)
But I had to climb out of what seemed like an enormous pit.
At the beginning, I looked backward a lot - at the comfort zone, at the good
job, at many things. There comes a time, however, when you have to rip off the
rear view mirror and cast it aside. The future is ahead of you, not behind, and
there is only one direction to move, forward, not reverse.
It took me nine months to secure my first real interview,
for a job I was only partially qualified for and didn’t really want. But it was
the only opportunity out there, so I went after it full throttle. I was so
intense during the interview, that after I got home, I discovered I had
literally sweated blood. It’s called hematidrosis and it most often occurs in
soldiers before going into a fierce battle. Even though there were more
qualified applicants, I got the job.
Yes, I was on my way back, but I was far from where I
needed to be. The next four years were brutal
at times. Besides some family sufferings (my mother’s death and wife’s illness),
I worked at jobs that were boring and at places where I didn’t fit in. I
experienced numerous rejections and failures both at work and in the job
market. Even though it felt good to have a job, at times I still detested my
situation. It is said: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” That may be
true, but what doesn’t kill you still hurts like hell.
However, the hard times help you develop valuable skills
that you’re not cognizant of at the time. You learn to be rejected repeatedly,
but not stop trying. You learn to keep moving forward, despite being in great
pain. And most importantly, you learn how to get up after up after being
knocked down, each time spending less time on the ground.
And then after four years of struggle, Boom! My dream job
just appears out of nowhere and falls into my lap. No effort, no struggle, no
sweat. In a moment, I had I plunged from the top to the bottom and now I had
soared from the bottom to the top. Ain’t life funny in that way? After being
repeatedly rejected, when you know that you are more than good enough, and being
so dead inside, it’s a wonderful feeling to be brought back to life and given a
second chance. It’s called redemption, and redemptions should not be wasted.
The last five years of my life have been amazing! But I’m
not going to list my accomplishments here. That would be too arrogant. If you
want see them, just Google me. Yes, I am now Googleable. If you do Google me,
28 of the first 30 returns are just about me, and 35 of the first 40. No brag,
just fact.
Google me ten years ago? Lots of blank pages. I am so dynamic
that one woman who knew me on both a business and social basis, thought I was
two different people. A scary thought, isn’t it?
During the last ten years I have never returned to the
comfort zone. In fact, I have done many things that make me uncomfortable, such
as returning to the stand-up comedy stage for one night, just to prove I could
do it. It’s remarkable what you can accomplish when you have no fear of
failure. And of course, you only lose that fear by failing repeatedly.
At times I think I know how Evil Knievel approached his
trade. As I told my friend “Ski” before I published my first book, “I’m going
for this. I’ve just spent four years developing an asbestos suit. I may crash,
but I will not burn”. And I was right, I have crashed several times, have
gotten back up smoldering, and keep moving forward. Because of course, there is
only one direction to go.
In the past, in that comfort zone, it was fairly easy to
stop me by placing obstacles in my way. Now, it is easy to slow me down, but much
harder to stop me. And if you stand in my way, be careful. Sometimes I choose
not to go around.
My most cherished achievements are my two books. I had a goal
to write a book after I retired, but I ended up attaining that goal nine years
earlier than planned. If you had told me in 2009, I would publish a book in 2015,
I would have laughed hysterically. One does not try such foolish ventures from
the comfort zone.
And if you want extreme discomfort, try writing and
publishing a book. It is one of the humbling and ego-bruising endeavors you can
ever do. You guys only see the good stuff I post on social media or you read
elsewhere. You don’t see the rejections, the failures, the pain. It is said
that for an author to be successful, he needs to grow an elephant skin.
That’s why most authors stop after their first book. You
have to be a bit crazy to write one book, you are insane to choose to go
through that process a second time. What personal qualities do you need to publish
a second book?
Well, you need to be able to be repeatedly rejected, but to
keep on trying. You must be able to keep moving forward, despite being in great
pain. And most importantly, you must be able to get up quickly after getting
knocked down repeatedly.
What’s the most important trait for an author? It’s not the
ability to write well, thousands of people can do that. It’s perseverance. And
perseverance is not something you get by reading about it, or practicing for. You
have to learn how to walk through that fire without getting burned. And yes,
there are plans for a third book to be released next year. I just have to let
the smoke dissipate a bit more.
My good friend, and successful author, Julie Lindsey, puts
it this way: “Only the unstoppable succeed.” Ten years ago, that adjective
didn’t describe me. I was stopped, stationary, not wanting to move out of that
comfort zone. The place I am at today is so much deeper and richer than where I
was before. When I think about what my life would be like now if I had not been
so rudely thrown out of that comfort zone, it make me want to ….. Well, you get
the idea.
Last night my wife and I went out to celebrate this 10-year
anniversary, an
Yes, that’s exactly what I did. Because I can. Because
after ten years I deserve this. I deserve every drop (even though I did share
with my wife). And no matter if I selected a marlow, cabinay, pee-no or cherdinay,
(it was an imported Italian red) let me tell you, it tasted sweet. It tasted oh
so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
June 26, 2009 – One of the best days of my entire life.
