Shenanigans (def): Devious tricks used
especially for underhanded purposes.
Shenanigans In TV Advertising
Case #1
There’s a commercial with “financial experts” advising you
to invest huge amounts of money in silver. They say the stuff is cheap and if
it goes up to its all-time high you are going to make a boatload of cash. (Of
course, it only ever hit that price once, for a short time) Only smart people
will in silver, and you are very smart, so buy some smart guy.
But: These guys are getting paid big bucks to hype silver,
just so the silver company can get your big bucks. I hope they actually own
some silver, but I can’t image they own much because: SILVER IS A VERY RISKY
INVESTMENT! It’s more like spinning the wheel in Vegas than investing in a
certificate of deposit.
All they talk about is the huge reward, with no mention of
the huge risk. So …
I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!
Case #2
There are several commercials about financial products
which begin with older people hearing about some new-fangled type of thing that
sounds “too good to be true” but then someone says they “did some research” and
found out it was true, and it’s spectacular! Believe it! Believe it! Believe
it!
But: They did no
research. None. They are impostors reading a script that says “I did some
research”. Did they tell you to do your own research? No, they want you to call
now, because that lackey has allegedly already done the research for you. The
most ridiculous ad features a wealthy “real” actor, whose home is probably
worth $6-million, saying he “did some research on reverse mortgages”.
Dude, if you mismanaged your multi-millions so horribly
that you now need a reverse mortgage, then you are the last person I want to take
financial advice from. So …
I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!
Case #3:
This commercial is about a men’s razor with a new whiz-bang
design, that of course shaves closer than ever before without irritation! The
guy in this ad claims he suffered for many years from shaving irritation but
now, “this razor has changed my life”.
But: Hey Pal, Jesus can change your life. All this razor
does is improve your shave. If your life is this dull, you don’t need a new
razor, you need a new life! So …
I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!
Case #4:
Numerous commercials for pillows, insurance, satellite TV,
chicken, etc., where the spokesperson suddenly appears in people’s houses and
starts hawking their goods.
But: How did these salespeople get into the houses?
Unlawful entry is a crime. And in houses of where people own guns for
protection, these commercials would end suddenly!
“My insurance is better … BLAMO!
“Here’s some chicken … BOOM!
“Hey, do you want 180 channels … BLASTO!
The commercial with the pillow guy is creepy because he is somehow
magically staring out through the other side of the medicine cabinet. But the
woman he is talking to is wrapped in a towel, as if she just got out of the
shower. Which means if the guy was peeking out from that cabinet ….. Whoa
Nelly! So…
I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!
Case #5:
Numerous commercials for weight loss plans that promise to
ship delicious (and very expensive) food right to your door! All you have to do
is eat the food and the pounds fly right off!
But: Well, I do believe they are telling the truth that if
you eat the stuff they send, you will lose a bunch of weight. I’m just not sure
what you are eating is real food. I think it is all made from the same high-fiber
goop and then “food artists” make it look and taste like something else. So
that delicious lasagna they are all excited about is really just a lump of
fiber painted red. And if you’re eating that much fiber at every meal, you’re
going crap for five hours a day – and those pounds are going to fly right off!
So …
I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!
Case #6
The hundreds of prescription drug commercials that promise
to improve your life immeasurably if you can fork over some serious cash and
survive that long list of terrible side effects.
The people in these commercials look so happy that it looks
like they may actually be glad they have the ailment, just so they are able to
take this wonderful pill.
But: If fact, they just look too giddy. It makes you wonder
what’s in that pill. Could all of these drugs just be different forms of
medical marijuana? Maybe they snuck some LSD in there! “Look Grandpa is dancing
down the middle of the road through traffic because he just dropped some acid!”
My favorite side effects are “confusion” – how are you
going to know that the medicine is causing side effects if you’re confused? And
“genital yeast infection in men”. Does that mean the drug causes you to grow a
vagina, which then is infected? And if you get this infection, who do you think
treats it? You want to clear out the locker room after golf league? As a man
say, “Yes I am getting better. My gynecologist thinks it will be all cleared up
in a week”.
Something is wrong with all these supposedly afflicted
people being soooooo happy. So …
I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!
Case #7
The commercials for new incontinence briefs as “sexy”. I
know that the new products are much improved over the old products. Women and
men feel better wearing something that doesn’t look and feel like an adult
diaper.
But: It is still a diaper, a fancy diaper, but a diaper nonetheless.
So don’t go showing it off to anybody and it’s best to still remove it as fast
as possible in those “boudoir moments”. It does look better than before, but it
is by no means “sexy” so …
I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!
Case #8
There is a local commercial
which shows a senior citizen riding up to her
But: If you do take the bike out for a spin, I hope you are
wearing the briefs mentioned above, just in case you hit a bump.
No! Assisted living and motorcycles do not mix! So …
I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!
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