When You And I Collide

There has been a whole lotta protestin’ going on, all over the country. Now I’m not getting into all those details about who is right and who is wrong. This is not about the subject of the protest; it’s about one method used to protest. The First Amendment guarantees the right of peaceful protest, and we can agree that there is something valid to complain about.

However, I don’t care if you are protesting in favor of the cause that means the absolute most to me, the issue that I support 110%, if you happen to block the road on which I am traveling, I will hate you. I will hate you so very, very, much. And I will despise your cause forever, and ever and ever. That’s right. If you delay me just five minutes, I will hate you forever. Really. Really, I will. Trust me. Hate you, hate you, and your cause – even a righteous one – forever.

Because I am a middle-aged guy and I am cranky already. And blocking the road throws me into a middle-aged cranky rage. I’ve got places to go and people to see, and I don’t know how much time I have left in my fading life to get there. So, I can’t be delayed by a bunch of idiotic youngsters, who have so much time to waste that they can stand in the middle of the road holding signs with witty, pithy sayings which I don’t even understand.

SO GET OUT OF THE BLEEPING ROAD – YOU #@&$ING MORONS! 

I do understand your right to protest, so go ahead and protest in the 85% of the earth’s land surface that is not covered in paved highway. By blocking the road, you are denying my trifecta of rights spelled out in the Declaration of Independence.

You are disrupting my Life

You are interfering with my Liberty of movement

And you are preventing me from pursuing Happiness

Trust me. I am not happy with this form of protest, not happy at all.

Oh, and by the way – I do bleepin’ own the road. Because I am middle-aged, I have paid taxes, big honkin’ taxes for many years. I can pay these taxes because I have a job, and I work. I own the freakin’ road because I paid for the freakin’ road, and I have a right to travel on that road. I am even licensed by the government to drive on my road. I got me a big honkin’ SUV, and I want to drive it without restrictions!  

I need the freedom to move this!

SO GET OUT OF THE BLEEPING ROAD – YOU #@&$ING MORONS!

I know the concept of work may be foreign to you road-standers, since you apparently have nothing better to do than to congregate in the middle of the road with your signs, which no one in the cars is going to read, because they, like me, are so fizzed off at you for blocking their path.

SO GET OUT OF THE BLEEPING ROAD – YOU #@&$ING MORONS!

Jaywalking is dangerous, but jaystanding is just outright stupid, and there should be laws against stupidity. Stupidity laws – a brilliant concept.

SO GET OUT OF THE BLEEPING ROAD – YOU #@&$ING MORONS!

It should be legal for a driver to give anyone standing illegally in the road a warning. If the person then fails to move …. Well, then they can then post the pic of their t-shirt with the Goodyear tread mark on it to Instergram or that new Tic-Tac-Doe thing.

If you choose to stand on the road ahead of me, we will see what happens when your right to protest collides with my right of passage. I invite you to try – unless you’re fat …. cause I don’t want to dent my classy SUV.

SO GET OUT OF THE BLEEPING ROAD – YOU #@&$ING MORONS!

And remember, ♬ even the best fall down sometimes – when you and I collide ♬*

“*” lyrics by Howie Day