Want To Live Longer? – Eat More Cheese

 A recent study of 2.3 million people found that happiness, or a positive mental outlook, was the top factor in impacting longevity. No surprise there; you would expect contented people to live longer.  Researchers were perplexed that eating cheese finished second.

It seems that people who eat more cheese live longer. This was confusing because cheese is in no way considered a “super-food”. It is a good source of protein and has some health benefits. But overall, it’s nothing special nutritionally, and eating too much cheese can even be unhealthy. 

After discussing the surprising finding, the researchers concluded that eating cheese makes you happy, and because happy people live longer, eating cheese can extend your years, thus deserving its second-place finish on the list.

On the surface, this sounds silly, but think it through. How happy does a rat look devouring a piece of cheese? The use of these rodents in medical and psychological research proves the similarity between rats and humans.

I have compared working in a large company to rats living in a box where someone dumps a load of food in the container (the available money and power). The rats all scramble and fight to get the most rewards. I know more than one of my old bosses resembled vermin. If you looked closely, you could even see their ratty whiskers. Look closely at your boss, and you may be able to see the same. Better check those women bosses too, since women today are empowered to have facial hair, as well as other man-stuffs.

In addition, how do you feel when you spot that delicious piece of cheese in the refrigerator you forgot was there? You grab it and start gnawing away at it like a large rat. How does eating a double-stuffed-crust pizza make you feel? How about when you devour a bowl of scrumptious macaroni and cheese? Macaroni and cheese is my friend Mike’s favorite food. I know this because he speaks of it often, and when he does, his whole face lights up. I must check him for rat whiskers the next time we meet.

Humans have been enjoying, yes, enjoying cheese for over 7,000 years. The expression, “Mama, if you want to please me, ya gotta cheese me!” speaks for itself.

Now, there are other things that make you happy – family, friends, religion, exercise, etc. But enhancing these factors becomes more difficult as you age, and longevity studies are most interesting to us who have fewer years to live.

Your family may be distant, estranged, or non-existent. Unfortunately, at some point, you lose more friends, mainly to burials, than you gain. If you haven’t attended church by now, it would still be a great time to start, but you probably won’t. Exercising and participating in other happiness-inducing activities become more difficult as health and mobility decline.

And this is why I believe this longevity study is so earth-shaking. It is possibly the greatest study on this subject ever. Because it has uncovered something actionable that anyone can do that will enable you to live longer. It is so simple:

EAT MORE CHEESE!

If you need instructions:

1.    Buy cheese (either at the store or online)

2.    Eat cheese

3.    Live longer

Don’t worry about getting bored – there are over 1,800 different types of cheeses worldwide.

My friend, Lieutenant Dan, says he enjoys grilled cheese, cheese curds, cheese sticks, cheese soup, cheese fondue, cheese dip, cheese cubes, cheese skewers, fried cheese, cheese and crackers, cheese and nuts, cheese balls, cheese and fruit, cheese and pasta, grated cheese, strip cheese …

So people – EAT MORE CHEESE

Don’t Worry – Get Cheesy

Here’s a little thing I do

You might want to see if it works for you

Don’t worry, get cheesy

If you find yourself in some trouble

Get stuffed crust and make it a double

Don’t worry, get cheesy

I would whistle at this point, but that stuffed double crust is sticking to the roof of my mouth.