Ake's Pains debuted in the University of Akron Buchtelite in September of 1977. The school's reputation as an institute of higher learning has still not recovered. Ake's Pains returns after a brief 32 year hiatus. It's back, baby!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Raising Awareness About Raising Awareness

It seems almost daily you are hearing about or seeing someone doing something to “raise awareness” about some issue.  And today I am raising awareness about people raising awareness.

I do not need to be made aware of any more information, thanks to the Internet.  I am already aware of way too many things, some of which I have no business knowing about.  For instance, thanks to Yahoo News I am alerted anytime Brittney Spears butt changes size.  This important news appears instantly on my home page when I open my browser, and of course there are photos so you can study the metamorphosis in detail. This enormous information overload sometimes causes me to forget less important data. So I can be fully aware that Jessica Simpson is having a difficult time fitting into her jeans and forget more trivial matters like my wedding anniversary.

So even though most of the causes championed by these awareness raisers are legitimate and important, I do not want these people doing stupid stunts to try to gain my attention.  Even the act of “raising awareness” is questionable.  Somebody does some inane act to draw attention to themselves and then justifies it by saying “I’m doing this to raise awareness!” You can’t criticize them without looking like a heartless bastard who doesn’t care about the good cause they are promoting.  

In addition after a person has raised awareness, he doesn’t have to do anything else.  After you have been made aware, you are expected to give time, money or both to support the cause.  When the “heavy lifting” needs to be done, Mr. Awareness can sit back and say, “Hey, I did my part.  I raised the awareness.  Now it’s all up to you.”

If you don’t believe that “raising awareness” is often misguided, here are some examples:

-         Last month this guy decided to raise awareness for his cause by walking across the country!   Of course to walk across the country, you have to walk along some busy highways.  He only made it to Colorado (traveling east) before a tractor trailer turned him into road kill.  He did succeed in raising awareness however.  Now people are very aware you should not walk along busy highways.

-         Any event that involves men walking or running in high-heeled shoes.  Guys, I don’t care what the “cause” is.  This is so wrong! Everyone is laughing at you because you look like #!*! idiots.  They are not laughing with you, they are laughing at you.  Unless your woman is providing you with hot monkey love later that night, this is never worth it.  And the chances of your wife engaging in hot monkey love after watching you make a fool of yourself by prancing around in women’s shoes are almost nil.  So next time you are asked to participate in this demeaning practice, write a check in an amount large enough to make the crazy women organizers go away.  It is a small price to pay to maintain your manhood.

-         Recently Real Housewives of Miami star Adriana de Moura did a photo shoot and video to raise awareness for a captive orca at the Miami Seaquarium.  Adriana climbed into a bathtub to simulate the tight confinement of the orca.  This is fine except Adriana is frolicking around the tub nekkid!  I know that technically the orca is nekkid also, but now suddenly my awareness has been diverted to something else. 
Naked - but not that sexy.

Now when I watched the video (for blog research purposes only), I do admit that something got raised and that I was fully aware of it.  But instead of making me want to free the orca, it made me want to jump in the bathtub with Adriana.  This would of course make
de Moura - out of the tub
 but still wet
it more crowed and uncomfortable for her which is the exact opposite of what she is trying to communicate. Unfortunately my calls to Adriana about sharing a bathtub and engaging in hot orca love have not been returned, yet.
  I am hoping this blog post will raise the awareness of Adriana to my plight.

So readers, there you have it.  I have made you aware of bogus attempts to raise your awareness.  I think my work here is done!

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