Ake's Pains debuted in the University of Akron Buchtelite in September of 1977. The school's reputation as an institute of higher learning has still not recovered. Ake's Pains returns after a brief 32 year hiatus. It's back, baby!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Socialized Media - Don't Be a Twit

Social media continues to explode around the planet.  Things are changing at a rapid pace and it can be a challenge to keep up.  So here is a primer and update on the most popular social media websites.  I list these in the order in which I joined.

Linked In

In early 2009 I received an e-mail from a former co-worker named Claude inviting me to “connect” on this website “Linked-In”.  This of course greatly alarmed me.  I was very concerned that a guy wanted to “connect” with me and “link in”.  When I shared my concern with a co-worker, he explained to me that Linked-In wasn’t a “dating” site but a professional networking site.  It is for business buddies, not other “buddies”.  It is totally business oriented and not personal at all.

So I did join Linked-In and connected with Claude even though he is a Canadian and if this site was some strange cult, I was in danger of violating international law.  It turned out that the web-site was legitimate.  Now I have over 350 Linked-In connections, including many “hot” women (ladies, you know who you are).

Face Book  

I joined Face book in December 2009.  Face book allows you to find and communicate with people who you haven’t seen in many years.  You end up forming this group of people who form the cyber gang known as your “Face book friends”.  It reminds me of junior high school.  I friended you.  Are you going to friend me back?  Oh I hope so.  You can even “defriend” people.  And when you get “defriended” it does feel just like junior high school.

If you are going to be a good Face book friend, your posts have to be interesting.  Telling me you had chicken for dinner or posting random You Tube clips screams “MY LIFE IS SO BORING”.  Your posts should be like my friend Mark who is a grill master and often describes how to make meat taste so good that vegetarians ask him for the recipes.  Rumor has it that PETA has called for a boycott of his Face book page.

You can share personal information on Face book within limits.  It is okay to let people know you are having a colonoscopy on Tuesday.  It is not permissible to give a turn-by-turn description of the journey and absolutely no pics of this event.

I do not look forward to the day when my friends and I reach senior status.  Your world becomes much smaller at this point in your life and any unusual event will become post worthy.  I someday expect to see something like this:

“Eggs were very runny at breakfast and so was my morning poo.
           - Depends Undergarments like this


When I first heard about Twitter I thought it was a website for twits.  Then I heard you could tweet people.   This did not sound good.  If I ever got caught tweeting a girl when I was in high school, I would have been suspended.  But now tweeting is evidently socially acceptable.

The best thing about Twitter is that tweets are limited to 140 characters.  If only people were limited to two sentences every time they spoke. People would be more direct and communicate more honestly and bluntly.  Communication would be so much more efficient although the divorce rate would probably spike.

I did join Twitter because everyone said you should (just like junior high!).  I still do not fully understand how it works, so maybe I am just a twit after all.  I do tweet about economic indicators every weekday.  So follow me if you dare.  http://twitter.com/#!/theakeman

The big problem with tweeting is that it exposes stupid people as being, well, stupid.  In the old days you might blurt out a stupid comment in front of your friends.  They would think you are an idiot but they already knew that.  Now stupid people post stupid tweets and the whole world knows just how stupid you are.  Even Chinese people know and are laughing at you from the other side of the planet.

And now a Congressman is in trouble for tweeting his wiener.  There are many things you should not tweet and your wiener is probably at the top of the list, especially if you happen to be an elected official.  I guess my old Sunday school teacher was way ahead of the times when he warned us many, many, years ago not to tweet our wieners.   So if you go on Twitter, do not be a wiener tweeter.

A Twitter Tale

Molly loved Twitter and she tweeted all the time.  But Molly was frustrated with the 140 character limit on tweets.  So she contacted the president of Twitter and he agreed to let her have a new exclusive limit of 150 characters.  So now:

All the guys follow Molly on Twitter
Cause she has the biggest tweets in town
All the guys’ hearts go a flitter
Cause she has the best tweets around

They’re all her Face book friends
Cause she’ll post some pics
Every now and then

All the guys follow Molly on Twitter
Cause she has the biggest tweets,
She has the biggest tweets,
She has the biggest tweets
In townnnnnnnnnnnn

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