The News (April
2, 2013)
"The real troubles in your life are apt to be things
that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blind side you at 4 PM on
some idle Tuesday." Today (a Tuesday) at around 3 p.m. my wife called to
tell me that her youngest brother, Tim Richardson, had unexpectedly passed away.
It would be difficult to know a finer person or to have a better
brother-in-law. Heavy grieving.
The Pain
I apologize to my family for not being able to offer any
comments of support or condolences at this time. I hurt, I just hurt, so
incredibly bad .....
The Tributes
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| Tim on a recent missions trip |
#1 - Tribute to my brother-in-law Tim Richardson who
passed away Tuesday: Last year Tim and I served as pallbearers at his father’s
military funeral. There are strict rules on handling the casket and they asked
for two volunteers from the pallbearers to assist with the closing of the
casket. I immediately volunteered. I really did not want anything to do with
closing anyone’s casket, but I didn’t want Tim to have to go through that with
his own father. I was relieved when someone behind me immediately raised their
hand also. That was until I turned around and saw the other volunteer was Tim.
I pulled him aside and strongly protested. “You do not have to do this. You
should not have to do this”, I said sternly. “It’s okay, I want to do this”, he
said calmly. That ended the argument because I was totally speechless. He
wanted to do that? Who wants to do that? I don’t want to do that for a
stranger, let alone a parent. Yet Tim saw that as a responsibility and actually
wanted to fulfill it.
#2 - A Tribute to my brother-in-law Tim Richardson who
passed away April 2: In February 2012 the family was jammed into a crowded
hospital waiting room because my father-in-law was critically ill. A person
carrying food to another family spilled half a cup of ice on the floor. Most of
the ice fell harmlessly on the carpet, but a couple pieces fell on the tile
walkway where we were gathered, thereby creating a safety hazard. I was seated
against the wall and the ice was close to where Tim was standing.
I pointed to the
ice and told Tim to kick the cubes back onto the carpet. Instead of doing that,
Tim picked up the ice on the tile and then proceeded to pick up every other
piece of ice on the carpet and throw them in the trash. Once again I was just
amazed by this act. Unbelievably, the other family was offended that he had
cleaned up their mess!
Some people never
seem to do what is required in life. I guess I try to get by doing just what is
required. Tim was exceptional because he tried to do more than what was
required, even when under stress in a hospital waiting room.
#3 – A tribute to Tim Richardson, my brother-in-law, who
passed away April 2: Two years ago I adopted a new philosophy: I want to live
my life in such a way that people cry at my funeral. Easy to say, hard to do.
Some days I do accomplish this, most days I fail.
I never thought
about what the scene might look like if a person was actually able to live a
life that cherished. But now I know, because last Friday night I sat by myself
in the corner of a funeral home and watched intently as the line of mourners
moved past the casket. I have never been in the presence of so much sorrow ever
before. And there is a difference between sorrow and sadness. Sadness is a
surface emotion. Sadness is expressed because the person is deceased. Sorrow is
a deep emotion and expressed because the person is no longer here. We are now
missing something beloved, someone that we will never have again in this realm.
And sitting in the
midst of this sorrow, I began to absorb it, to breathe it in. And the human
body can only hold so much sorrow at one time, so at some point I had to escape
the melancholy and retreat outside. And there at the edge of the parking lot,
the sorrow absorbed in the previous 80 minutes poured out of me. This was a
life well lived, very well lived, indeed.
#4 (and final) Tribute to my friend (and brother-in-law)
Tim Richardson who passed away April 2: On February 11, my wife’s family met
for dinner at a Fairlawn restaurant to commemorate some occasion that I can’t
even recall. I do remember that I wasn’t really looking forward to the event
since it was on a Monday night and we would have to rush to get there and then
get home late.
At the table, Tim
was seated to my immediate right. Looking back, this wasn’t unusual. At most
family events, Tim and I usually hung out together. This wasn’t by any
conscience choice. I just liked being around him because he was such a great
guy. He wasn’t just my brother-in-law, he was my friend. And I know that type
of relationship does not exist in every family. I am extremely fortunate to
have married into a tremendous family and Tim was a big part of that.
I never really
thought about the friendship part of the relationship. Tim was just a great
brother-in-law. We never argued and I can’t remember having any conflicts with
him in the 35 years that I knew him.
The February
dinner was great. Everyone had a good time and we laughed boisterously trying
to decide what each person should order from the restaurant’s extensive menu.
At the end of the meal, I said goodbye to Tim as I had done hundreds of times
before. Only this time it wasn’t just goodbye, it turned out it was, GOODBYE.
It’s now time not to be so concerned about the inconvenience of rushing to get
to places or getting home late.
The Reflection
In December I was able to do two unexpected (and
unrequired) acts of generosity for my brother-in-law Tim. At the time I
considered them relatively small and insignificant. Upon his untimely passing
this Tuesday, I realize that I was able to provide two blessings to him in what
turned out to be the last few months of his life. Now these acts to me seem
magnanimous, they are almost immeasurable. How is it that my perspective on
this was so far off? What “small” acts did I have the chance to do today for
other people that I did not do? What opportunities will I have
tomorrow?
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