Never, Ever, Mess With A Woman’s Closet (RUU)

Raw, Uncut, Unhinged #1

Promotional Headline Seen on the Internet: On the latest episode of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”, Kayne West cleans out Kim’s closet.

This is the most dangerous thing they could ever put on television.  They call it reality television, which in this case is ironic because Kim is not all “real”. It is more like sur-reality television.  It is totally fake, but this episode could be deadly for men everywhere.  I doubt they ran a “Do not attempt this at home disclaimer”.

Because a husband should never, ever, mess with a woman’s closet.  It is safer to poke a woman’s most sensitive private part without permission, than to penetrate her closet.  At least if she gets enraged at the poke, you can claim you just wanted to spice up your love life.  However, there is no absolutely no excuse for touching the contents of her closet.

You should not look in it, you should not talk about it, you should pretend that you don’t even know it exists.  It is sacred territory, similar to an Indian burial ground.  It is like the Ark of the Covenant – if you touch it, you will surely die.  And if your wife kills you for trespassing in her closet, she will get away with it.  As long as there is one woman on the jury, she will not be convicted:

“Yes, she did shoot him five times point blank and then sawed his body into little pieces --- but he entered her closet, so he had it coming to him.  Not guilty, your honor.”

I know this incident makes for good television because Kim’s closet is larger than many apartments in Japan, which means Japanese viewers will be totally confused by this episode.  Kim’s closet has to be wider than normal to accommodate Kim’s clothes and the humongous booty that will be barely covered by these clothes.  You need a wide door, a wide aisle, and enough space for Kim to spin around without causing structural damage to the entire house.  It probably took architects weeks to design.  

Idiot? - This confirms it!

And any guy who agrees to mess with a woman’s closet on television is a total idiot.  So news flash: Kanye is a total idiot; okay I guess that is not much of a news flash is it?

But putting this totally unrealistic event on television is the epitome of irresponsibility.  I am worried that young guys watching this episode will march into the bedroom and starting rummaging through their wives’ closets because they saw it on T.V. and believe it’s acceptable.  Again, this is one of the worst things you can ever do to a woman, so if you have any doubts about this, let me be clear: NEVER, EVER, TOUCH ANYTHING IN YOUR WIFE’S CLOSET.  Unless you are married to a Kardashian, which I think qualifies you to touch anything you desire – hey, hey, hey!