Who
knew democracy could be so darn entertaining?
A surprising, new political party has emerged as a powerful
force in the 2016 U. S. presidential race.
It is the Pissed Off Party (POP) and boy are they ever pissed off!
People are really pissed at the Elite Establishment Party
(EEP) who either ignore the problems, deny they even exist, or hope they will get
better by sprinkling magically fufu dust on them. The EEP’ers are too busy eating expensive
shrimp, playing exclusive golf, sipping fine wine, and walking around looking
important in fancy, exquisite, suits, to be bothered by actual governance.
The POP’ers want candidates who are in a pissed off rage,
in hopes that in being so pissed off, they will actually do something
beneficial if elected. It is suspected that the EEP candidates wish to get
elected so they can eat more expensive shrimp.
Fortunately, two extremely pissed off candidates have
emerged to lead the POP. These guys are
really pissed off and they yell and scream at their rallies, which results in people
getting even more pissed off at everybody. It has created a circle of piss, and
you obviously don’t want to be standing in the middle of it, that’s for sure.
Ironically, even though the POP has two enormously pissed
off candidates, one pisses to the left and the other pisses to the right. The important thing is both these pissed-off
guys are raising significant political issues that the EEP candidates do not
want to discuss, which frankly pisses them off.
It has turned in to one huuuuuge pissing match.
The EEP candidates have tried to pander to the POP’ers by claiming
they are pissed off about things too! Unfortunately, they may be highly
agitated, greatly annoyed and egregiously irritated, but they are not
sufficiently pissed off. To appeal to
the POP, you must be truly, undeniably, tremendously, pissed off, and these
fakers are not.
Another strategy from EEP’ers is to tell the POP’ers that
they should not be pissed and they should just “calm down”. Of course this just pisses them off even more.
(As any married man could have predicted) This huuuuge level of pissofficy has
created one of the most bizarre presidential campaigns in history. No subject is off limits.
Candidates have argued about who has the largest wanker and
the subject even came up … er no, it was raised, um no….. let’s just say it was masterfully debated in
Detroit. At one point during the debate I thought the guys were actually going
to whip them out and compare, just like junior high school. And though there is disagreement on which
candidate has the biggest wanker, there is no question who has the biggest
balls.
Next election, I think there should be a Wanker Party that
runs candidate Iva Biggun for president.
You may laugh, but considering the choices this year, you would take a
look at him, er I mean you would have to consider him. And the Wankers would win every big caucus,
wouldn’t they? Their campaign slogan could
be “Make America Straight Again”.
There is also a discussion regarding women voting with
their vaginas. In the old days this
would have been impossible, but now we do have touch screens for voting in
Ohio. Still, the screen is probably too high to reach with a hoo-haa, but maybe
if a woman stood on a chair and straddled the thing, she might be able to do
it.
I really hope women do not try this. If the woman next to
me is voting with her vagina, it is going to be darn distracting. I am going to have to stop and watch her vote,
and if she is that limber and that skilled, I’ll probably applaud when she
finishes, maybe even tip her. I know it’s not likely to happen, but I’m
bringing a “wet-nap” with me, just in case, to clean my touch screen before voting.
 |
| You may want to clean the screen before voting! |
Some idiots have even tried to disrupt and stop POP
rallies. This is stupid for two reasons. First, the people there are already
pissed off. Piss them off even more and their commitment to being pissed off
greatly increases. Second, you risk
pissing off the moderately agitated. If they do become pissed off, then they
become new members of the POP. Either
way, by staging these protests, you strengthen the opposition.
And I must point out that people have the right to express
their political opinions, even if these opinions are so disgusting and
frightening to you that you $h!+ your pants.
I realize you Millennials out there will think that I am doing “kooky”
talk and making this up, but if you Google “first amendment to the U.S.
Constitution”, you will see that I am correct. I’m not sure what they are
teaching in the schools these days, but it sure as hell ain’t American history
and probably not much economics either.
So there is now one good candidate and four whackjobs. I
can say that without offending anybody, because everyone now believes this to
be true, we just vehemently disagree who the “good” candidate is! The real problem is; we have way too many
whackjobs still in this race.
And there is a good chance when you go to vote, you will be
challenged with choosing between two whackjobs and trying to determine which
one is less wacked. It is unfortunate there are no longer actually “voting
booths” or you could close the door and start to cry before casting your vote.
Unfortunately, your high school civics class never prepared you for this moment. I think I can hear Karl Marx laughing, or is
that Bernie Sanders? I can’t really tell.
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