Buttheads, Buffoons and Bitches That Made 2012 Special

This year would have been much better if I had not encountered a series of idiots, morons and buffoons.  So I’ve decided to dedicate the last blog post of the year to the people who fizzed me off the most in 2012. 

I know I have blogged about people that have upset me during this year, but in those cases there was an element of humor in the story.  The following things are not funny when they happen to you.  But they didn’t happen to you, they happened to me, so enjoy!

So here are my Fizzed Off Awards for 2012:

4^th Place – A Facebook Fudgehead

A “Facebook” friend insisted on posting extreme political nonsense on his wall during the presidential campaign.   I don’t believe in using Facebook for political debate, but I did post one video of a parody containing footage at a political rally.  I posted this because it is hilarious, not because it was political.  But my fudgehead friend took exception to my post and I really took exception to his exception.

Two days after the election, I received a poorly-done, homemade, political poster sent anonymously in the mail.  However I don’t associate with anyone so juvenile and moronic that would do such a stupid thing. Well, except one.  So CRAIG, I know you sent it.  That’s right CRAIG, I know it was you!  You think you are smart CRAIG, but you are too stupid to realize how stupid you really are! (I know you are confused by the last sentence, so maybe you should read it again).  Yes CRAIG,  because you are such a moron, you really fizzed me off this year.

3^rd Place – Skip the Aggressive Cemetery Salesman

Skip the cemetery salesman was determined to sell me a burial plot this year.  When I asked him to call back in three months, he called back in two weeks.  He left numerous messages on my answering machine.  Finally he called and spoke to my wife and she blasted into him and told him never to call again.  When my wife is this upset, her communication is crystal clear.  There is absolutely no ambiguity and no chance of a misunderstanding.  I have avoided needing a burial plot up to this point due to being able to understand (and obey) my wife’s heated communication.

However, Skip is an imbecile.  He called back a few weeks later on a Saturday morning when my wife was still in bed.  I knew that if I did not take action, I would be the object of my wife’s wrath in a few minutes.  So I explained to Skip in very graphic terms (without swearing!) what would happen to him if he ever called my house again.   This was effective, but we did have to replace our phone because part of it melted during the conversation.  Skip, you really fizzed me off this year.

2^nd Place – Ditzy Editor

A major, local, newspaper (not in Akron or Cleveland, so you figure it out) wanted me to write a new economic blog for their website.  They made a major error in setting the blog up by not asking my permission to post some old content on the new blog site.  This led to one reader complaint.  The problem was very easily resolved, but instead they shut down the new blog without even informing me.

It took five days and two e-mails (she didn’t even call me to discuss the matter) to find out what happened and why.  And then she told me that I was responsible for the incident even though it had been her gross incompetence that caused it.  I explained in an e-mail (she never returned my phone calls) how she was totally responsible for what had happened and why, but I never even received an apology.  I can’t believe that someone in her position could be so densely incompetent and unprofessional.  What a useless piece of dukey.  Ditzhead, you really fizzed me off this year.

1^st Place - The Ticket Bitch

I received a letter telling me that due to a previous purchase I could get free tickets to an outdoor lunch before a sporting event.  I followed the instructions on the letter, but the organization failed to mail the tickets so my wife made a special trip to personally pick them up.  After she got home, she realized the buffoons had given her the wrong tickets.  They were to a similar event that day.  So we had followed their instructions to the letter, but they had screwed it up twice.

Much nicer than the Ticket Bitch

When we got to the event, the Ticket Bitch wouldn’t let us in.  When I tried to explain what happened, the Ticket Bitch repeatedly interrupted me to tell me what mistakes I had made and why my tickets were no good.  I had other documentation that proved I qualified for admission, but the Ticket Bitch would not even let me complete one sentence.  Finally the Ticket Bitch said that even though I was at fault, she would grant me access to the lunch.  I wanted to go nuclear, but I was hungry.  The Ticket Bitch could not understand why I was still livid after she had most graciously let me in.  It’s because you are a bitch of enormous proportion, you are a horrible, disgusting, MEGA-BITCH.  I pity your husband and family, Ticket Bitch.  And you really fizzed me off this year!  Congratulations of your first place finish!

Happy New Year to all my readers and please don’t fizz me off in 2013!