As
I warned, the winner of the $590 million Mega Millions lottery prize was an 84
year-old Florida woman. This is just not
right. There is a minimum age to play
the lottery; they need a maximum age limit also. An 84-year old has no business playing the
lottery and has no business winning the lottery. So now while thousands of other lottery
players get nothing for their efforts, this woman is enjoying wearing name-brand
protective undergarments (which she needs a lot with all the excitement of
winning the lottery and whatnot) and eating gourmet pudding (no more box-mix
crap). Just as people under 18 are
prohibited from buying tickets because they don’t know what they are doing, old
people shouldn’t be permitted to buy tickets for the very same reason.
And
this woman seriously did not know what she was doing. We found out after she claimed the prize that
a younger woman had let her cut in line to buy the winning ticket. (The timing of the old lady's purchase is important because she had her winning numbers randomly selected) That’s right; the old lady was oblivious to
where the line started. She heard about
the lottery on the radio and thought she could just waltz right up to the
counter and buy her ticket. “Oh look,
goodie, there’s nobody in line” when in fact there was a long line! I’m not sure she even knew she was buying a
lottery ticket. Maybe she thought she
was paying her electric bill and they gave her the lottery ticket as a gift
because she paid on time. So this old
woman wins mega-millions of dollars instead of much more deserving people like
the woman with eight kids from six different men in Ohio and the meth addict in
Michigan.
And
what about this “kind soul” who let the old lady cut? Do you realize that you didn’t just let her
cut in front of you, but to cut in front of the other 90 people in line? Your responsibility was not to let her cut,
but to direct her to the back of the line. “Oh, way back there? That’s a long
line, I can’t even see the end from here.”
Of
course the younger woman who granted cuttsies says she came forward to tell her
story not because she wanted any credit for being polite, or wanted any sympathy,
or heaven forbid, getting a cut of the winnings for granting the cut in
line. If these things are not your
motivation, then why the hell are you even talking about it? Of course we all know that while you are
telling this pleasant story on the outside, inside you are thinking: “Look you
old bat, I let your sorry a** cut in line.
You owe me; you owe me so very much.
SHOW ME THE MONEY! SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
However
the old lady has no concept of just how much $370 million (lump sum) really is Okay, so I don’t have a concept of what $370
million is either, but that is not the point.
But because the old lady remains clueless, she will probably reward the
younger woman by baking her a nice batch of oatmeal raisin cookies (made with
fresh raisins of course, because now she can afford them). The younger woman
will accept the cookies with a smile and say “How nice!” Of course on the
inside she will be thinking “Cookies? Cookies? You stupid old bitch! I let you
cut in line and win $370 million and all you give me is some f#@!*&g
cookies? Give me some cash! You owe me some cash!
 |
| SHOW ME THE COOKIES! |
I
think this changes the rules about letting someone cut in line. Of course there are times when common
courtesy dictates that you do this: at the grocery, in traffic, etc. But now if the circumstances are such that
the person does not deserve the cut or if it adds a burden to the people behind
you in line, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LET THE PERSON CUT! If it makes you feel
guilty, just rationalize your decision by thinking “If I let this person cut in
line, it could cost me $590 million like that stupid sap in Florida!”
Moron
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