Ake's Pains debuted in the University of Akron Buchtelite in September of 1977. The school's reputation as an institute of higher learning has still not recovered. Ake's Pains returns after a brief 32 year hiatus. It's back, baby!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

The Sanibel Vacation Chronicles - Part 3

The Water Is Super Fine

I finally entered the warm, sauna-like, waters of the Gulf.  This is actually part of the brain rejuvenation process because it involves immersing my just shaved head into the salt water.  This experience is exhilarating and painful at the same time, but it loosens up any remaining gunk left in my cranium.
My main challenge was to properly secure myself into my swimsuit because unlike Anthony Weiner, I don’t enjoy publically displaying my junk. This is especially true when “shrinkage” is involved.

The water felt so good I spent an extended time in the ocean.  Of course this gave me a prime position to “observe” the women gathering shells on the shoreline.  At one point the ladies ran back up the shore.  This alarmed me because I thought a shark had been spotted, which would have been really, really, bad considering my location.  However, the cause of the concern was a “Bum Looker Alert” which means a bum looker had been spotted in the vicinity.  I do believe this was a false alarm because I carefully peered over the entire area and saw no sign of the perpetrator.  

Vacation Reading List

I decided to read a fiction book this year on vacation.  This is unusual because I do not enjoy reading fiction.  This is because I did some research a while ago and was able to determine that stuff written in fiction books is not true, in effect, it is actually false.  Apparently so called “fiction” writers can just make stuff up, total fabrications if you will, and people actually buy it.  Just like politicians!

The reason I choose fiction this year is that my childhood friend Tim Stutler just published his second novel, Hillari’s Head.  I just finished the book, but I can’t give you an accurate review. This is because I don’t read novels and thus I have nothing to compare it to.  However I will say this: I don’t like reading fiction, but I really enjoyed reading this book!  So I sense Hillari’s Head is a very good novel and you should read it if you like novels and especially if you enjoy courtroom drama.

Tim Stutler is an outstanding writer.  This means that although I am a good writer, I am not even the best writer in my high school graduating class!  Not bad for a city school.

I Shall Return

After my first two vacation chronicle posts, there were several reports on the Internet that I was having such a great time in Florida that I had decided to stay here permanently and was not returning to Ohio.  Those rumors are false.  Any thoughts of staying here were shattered when I found out the “modest” condo where I am staying has an asking price of around $600,000.  So yes I will be coming home.  But I am a bit concerned with the congratulatory, enthusiastic, e-mail I received from my boss after he heard the rumors that I would not be returning to Ohio.

Most Interesting Thing I Saw Today:

I enjoyed watching the pelicans eat breakfast near the shoreline at sunrise. 

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