Ake's Pains debuted in the University of Akron Buchtelite in September of 1977. The school's reputation as an institute of higher learning has still not recovered. Ake's Pains returns after a brief 32 year hiatus. It's back, baby!

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Might As Well Face It, I’m Addicted To “Cap”

I got a work email just before midnight one Monday informing me that Tuesday’s morning  staff meeting had been changed to 9 a.m., 30 minutes earlier than normal.  While this was short notice, I work from home so calling in at that time normally causes no problems whatsoever.

However, I had a dentist appointment that morning and this did create a situation. You see down the street from the dentist office is a coffeehouse that brews a most exquisite cappuccino.  I reward myself afterward with a hot, steamy, treat.  I actually look forward to going to the dentist because of the cappuccino.  The problem is could I still make it back to work on time it I stopped to get the cappuccino.

You might think this is not a big deal, but you would be wrong.  I love cappuccino.  I love smelling cappuccino, I love tasting cappuccino, I love ordering cappuccino. I even love saying the word, even typing it: cappuccino, cappuccino, cappuccino.

At a former job, the company would provide free drinks out of the coffee machine on Monday if the  factory when accident free for 30 days.  Fortunately the machine made a decent cappuccino.  The free coffee really wasn’t supposed to be for the office workers and yet I would find a way to consume four free cappuccinos every Monday.  It was like free appetizers only in liquid form.  (For some reason I never slept well on Monday nights.
Of course it was always a tragedy when there was an accident in the factory and the free coffee was temporarily taken away. 

Everybody would be like: “Poor Hank, he got his arm ripped off by a machine”.

I’d be like: “Dang, no free cappuccino for at least a month. What an idiot!”

So I figured if the dentist appointment went quickly I could get the cappuccino and still make the meeting. Or if the appointment ran long, I would miss the meeting altogether and could still buy the cappuccino.  However if they ran on time, I would have a very difficult decision to make.

So of course they ran right on time.  I stared at my watch.

Meeting or Cappuccino?

Meeting or Cappuccino?

There was a time when this would have been a no-brainer.  I would have put the company’s needs before mine.  I would have towed the company line. I would have tried to please my boss so that I could curry favors and get raises and promotions and massive kudos and accolades! Yes thir, yes thir, yes thir!

But then years later you run into your former butt-head boss clerking  at the Home Depot and you realize he really was a worthless piece of crap when you worked for him and how utterly ridiculous you were in pandering to him.  So ironic, for years he put the screws to you, now he’s fetching screws for you.

But still……………………………….


I’m not saying I’m proud of my decision, but the photo here displays the choice.  I would have had to drive right by the coffeehouse and the cappuccino inside without stopping.  That was something I simply could not do.

I justify this irresponsible decision by claiming I could have made it to the meeting on time but I would have been in a horrible mood all day. I would have probably yelled at some customers and caused the company to lose boatloads of business and being a company man, I could not take that chance.  This was an investment in company success. Heck, I should have put it on my expense report.  Hey, cappuccino this exquisite isn’t cheap!

So I got a hot, steamy, creamy, cappuccino.  The good news is there was no line at the coffeehouse and I made it to the meeting only a few minutes late.  Of course I had to mute my phone to drown out the moans of passion as I dipped my tongue into that frothy sweetness.  I’m sure there was important business discussed in the meeting, but I have little recollection of it. I was way too enthralled enjoying my cappuccino.  Hopefully someone took good notes.

There are many important things and plenty of important decisions that we all have to make, but for certain there is something I have learned, an essential part of my philosophy on life:

Sometimes you just have to stop and drink the cappuccino………. 

1 comment:

  1. They must now have used novocain or you would not have been able to drink a hot liquid.