Angels With Attitudes - Not A Silent Night Behind the Scenes!

 Michael, the highest archangel and leader of Project Immanuel:

Alright, listen up. Our 9-month project, Immanuel, is coming to a close. We are almost there. Mary and Joseph should have made it to the designated birthing area, which means this could happen at any time. We expect the birth to happen sometime tomorrow, so we are operating on Code Orange, and everyone needs to be on alert. Thank you for your work to make this project a success. It has gone totally according to plan, and you should all be proud of the work you have done.                                                                               

(Five minutes later)

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Michael: Yes, report in Attending Angel. Has the couple safely arrived at Joseph's cousin's house in Bethlehem?

Attending Angel: Uh, we have some issues. That’s last mile of the donkey ride to Bethlehem was bumpy and Mary is experiencing some discomfort. Because of that, we are behind schedule, so we just got inside the city  before dusk.

Michael: Well, you have to push on. It's essential to get to the birthing house. It's safe, it's sheltered, and a midwife lives next door.

Attending Angel: Yeah, about that – uh, that bumpy ride caused another problem. Mary is experiencing some initial contractions.

Michael: No! That is not acceptable! What's the plan?

Attending Angel: Joseph is going to try to get a room at that inn just inside of town.

Michael: Are you kidding me? That inn has been booked solid for weeks, with everyone returning home for the census. That's not going to work!

Attending Angel: Relax, I’m sure the innkeeper will find a nice area for the birth - I mean, it’s a pregnant woman in labor, and he knows where the nearest midwife is, so don’t worry.

(Five minutes later)

Attending Angel: We have a problem. The innkeeper offered no help; he sent them out back to the stable.

Michael: What? We can’t have that! Why didn’t you do something?

Attending Angel: What was I supposed to do? I could have struck the guy dead, but I didn’t think that would help the situation.

Michael: Describe the stable.

Attending Angel: It’s what you would expect behind an inn. It's big and filled with donkeys and camels from all the travelers. Oh, and it smells awful.

Michael: This is so not going to happen here!

Attending Angel: Oh, I think it is. Her contractions are increasing.

Michael: That’s it – I’m opening up the visual channel so the team can see everything.

That’s the stable?  – Oh holy … Oh holy..

Attending Angel: Don’t say it!

Michael: Oh, holy night. CODE RED angels. CODE RED, this is happening now and it’s happening in this stable! Cleaning Angels, report there immediately.

Cleaning Angel #1: Wait, we were told this would be in like a room, in a house. It would be a relatively clean environment and an easy job for us.

Michael: Yeah, well, things have changed a bit. I need that entire stable completely sterile. Do you understand? A totally sterile environment before she gives birth.

Cleaning Angel #2: You do realize there are several camels there?

Michael: Yes, I see the camels! JUST DO YOUR JOB!!!!!!!!!! Not one microbe! NOT ONE MICROBE! And don’t forget to sterilize that manger too, they may need it for something later.

Cleaning Angel #1: Understood, we’re on it.

Michael: Birthing Angels! – You’re on, get to the stable now!

Birthing Angel #1: Where is the midwife? We were told there would be a midwife, and we would just be observing her.

Michael: There is no midwife. Joseph will be delivering the baby by himself. Your job is to make sure the baby is delivered safely.

Birthing Angel #2: But how is he going to do that? He’s never delivered a baby before. He’s just a carpenter, tired from the trip, and doing this in the dark.

Michael: Why do you think you’re here? You are to do whatever is necessary to deliver that baby – even if you must deliver it yourselves. IS THAT CLEAR?

Birthing Angel #1: Really? I’m not sure we are authorized to do that.

Michael: Are you dense? You are archangels and I just gave you that authority! Now, DO YOUR JOB and get me a healthy baby boy. 

(Minutes later)

Michael: I don’t have a clear view. Is it really happening?

Attending Angel:  I think it could be happening.

Birthing Angel #2: Oh, it is most definitely happening.

(Pause)

Attending Angel: Do you hear what I hear?

Michael: I hear, a child, a child?

Birthing Angel #1: The Lamb has arrived. Healthy, and all his vitals are good!

Michael: We’ve got a baby, angels! We have Immanuel! The Lamb of God who will take away the sins of that world! Thank you all for your hard work!

Attending Angel: Aren’t you forgetting something?

Michael: Oh, duh! Angel Choirs – you are on – start singing!

Choir Director: This happened in a different location than planned. Where do you want us?

Michael: Choir #1 – you go tell it on that mountain. Choir #2 – you go over those hills. Choir #3 – you go everywhere in between.

Choir Director: Sing it loud and proud, angels! I want you heard on high and singing in exultation! I need to hear that hark! Gloria in excelsis deo, angels! Gloria in excelsis deo!

Attending Angel: Look at those skies – They’re triumphant!

Michael: Who are those people approaching from the fields?

Attending Angel: They appear to be shepherds?

Choir Director: Yeah, some of my singers blabbed to them about it. Couldn’t help themselves.

Michael: Who is the person approaching from the city? Is he carrying something?

Attending Angel: It’s just a kid with a drum, no threat.

Michael: Okay, team, our work here is done! Choirs, sing as long and as loud as you like. I’m sending in the Guardian Angels. The rest of you are free to go.

And readers, you are also free to go - Have a wonderful Christmas!