Guys – Woo Your Love Interests

 I previously blogged about how women have trouble forming romantic relationships because they tend to underrate men’s physical attractiveness, while overrating their own. Let’s be honest—both men and women often overestimate their own appeal. Women may undervalue men's looks while overestimating their own, and men frequently assume they're irresistible without putting in the work. The result? A romantic stalemate. And you don’t want a stale mate – Do ya?

Men have forgotten how to woo women. Woo is defined as “to seek affection or favor – especially with romantic intent”. Think flowers, thoughtful messages, and genuine attention. Men want to get the girl without doing any of the work. However, women want to be wooed. They want to be pursued. They want the man to have to work to attain the relationship. It's not "playing hard to get". Women need to be respected. Women are affirmed when they are valued. And something of value is worth pursuing. Disclaimer: No, still means no. If she bluntly tells you no, stop all wooing.  

But today's men are lazy. They expect to smile, say "Hey, Baby," and badda boom, badda bing – I got a girlfriend. No other trend exemplifies this than the sending of "dick pics". This is not wooing in the least. It just says, “Hey, I would like to have sex with you”. The dick pic attempts to eliminate all that messy romantic work and jump straight to physicality.

In reality, sex is the last thing a man should be concerned about in a potential relationship. The man experiences no bonding as a result of the sex act. Almost all women do, to a certain extent. You do not want this woman to bond with you in any way until you get to know her better, because once they form a bond, it can be messy and complicated to break it. And for those women who feel no bonding whatsoever during/after sex? Those are to be avoided at all costs since they will be the ones that will bang your disgusting Uncle Herb after you are married. Yes, that's right – I just advised guys to delay sex and be way more selective about who they shag.

There is this guy I know who is looking for a woman who can cook for him, clean for him, take care of him, oh, and she should have large breasts. There is no mention of forming a relationship or what he might provide for her. The guy doesn’t want a wife – he wants a maid – one with big hooters. Typically, you don’t enter into a long-lasting vertical relationship with your maid, large breasts notwithstanding.

So guys, realize how a loving, long-term relationship works. You are going to do as much for her as you expect her to do for you, maybe more. You are going to put forth effort and continuously strive to make the relationship work. And this literally starts at the beginning. Again, you must woo her because she wants to be wooed. So guys, step up. Show effort. Send thoughtful texts. Plan dates. Be consistent. But make the effort because she wants you to make an effort – and you will stand out from your competition.

Advice for Women

If you’re lucky enough to start a relationship today, try not to overanalyze everything. Men are simple and stupid, and often simply stupid. Don’t rush to “fix” him. Constant criticism erodes trust and affection. Instead, use tact and kindness when suggesting change. Men hate to be constantly criticized and disrespected. The male ego is fragile, so devise more subtle ways to suggest changes in behavior.

The male ego is bizarre. Men need to be affirmed and have that ego, among other things, stroked. Men thrive on affirmation. Compliment his strengths, even if subtly. Compliment his maleness. Charm that ego – even if you don’t mean it. That’s right – be crafty in praising your man. Craftiness comes naturally to women, but in this instance, use it for good. Your guy will love you if you do this – trust me.

Final Thoughts

To wrap up these last two posts - Ladies: Consider broadening your criteria. The perfect guy might not check every box, but he could be a great partner.

Gentlemen: Put in the effort. Pursue her with sincerity and passion, and continue to demonstrate your value long after the first few dates. Concentrate on connecting with her.

My work here is done! Now go out there and build something real. Relationships take work—but the payoff is worth it.