I blogged
about a wide variety of subjects in 2013, but by far the most popular post was “TheseButts Are Big And I Cannot Lie” which took a humorous look at black market butt
enhancement surgery. At first the
readership of this post was about average, but then after about three weeks the
post started getting over 200 hits each day.
Of course I
thought this was because people had finally discovered my spectacular blogging
ability and started sharing and reposting this superb literary work. But then I realized the hits were the result
of the post showing up very high on Google searches. It had inadvertently achieved search engine
optimization.
So now when
people search for “big butts”, big a**, big black a** and other similar butt-related
topics, they are directed to my blog post.
This is odd because the post is not sexually oriented. Sure, there is a photo of a woman in a provocative
pose, but she is fully clothed and it is more humorous than indecent.
But
according to my blog statistics, many people are looking for big butts on the
Internet. And this demand for big butts
is worldwide. They love big butts in
Germany. And big butts are also
surprisingly popular in Saudi Arabia, India and Morocco. My butt blog also has even generated hits
from Iran.
Of course I thought
about the potential of “big-butt” blogging.
I considered starting a blog concentrating on nothing but large derrieres. If big butts are that popular then someone
needs to fill this void. I mean based on the German popularity: “It’s vat da
people vawnt!” But then I realized that
exploiting this dalliance for big butts would be wrong. It was at this point I made a vow to never,
ever, write another blog post on the topic of big butts. And I am determined to keep this vow no
matter what. You have my word on
this. And this includes not posting any
other big butt photos in my blog, like the ones shown below, just for the
purpose of generating a massive number of hits.
I thought
this commotion about big butts was just about over when I received the
following phone call:
Caller: May
I speak to Mr. Ake’s Pains
Me: I guess
that’s me
Caller: Well this is Sir Mix-A-Lot. Mr. Pains I hear your recent blog post has
revived a world-wide interest in big butts and I was wondering if you would
work with me to revive my career. Perhaps you have heard that I like big butts
and I cannot lie.
Me: I may
have heard that once or twice before, but I can’t help you. My blog was not
about guys who like big butts, it was on guys who illegally create big butts.
And I don’t really prefer women with big butts.
Mix-A-Lot: Really Pains? You other brothers can't deny!
Me: But I have
to deny
Mix-A-Lot: I
think that is so wrong. I think you are practicing “big booty discrimination”
Me: For the
record, I do not discriminate against women’s butts on the basis of size, age,
race or national origin. However, I do
explicitly believe that the shape of the booty is more important than the size
of the booty.
Mix-A-Lot:
Come On Akes. Even white boys got to shout “baby got back!” Admit it. You want a motor in the back of
your Honda.
Me: I still prefer shape over size. And I’m afraid my Honda riding days are over,
Sir.
Mix-A-Lot: But
if you don’t help me, how am I going to jump start my career? I need your help.
Me: Okay,
couldn’t I just pretend to like big butts?
Mix-A-Lot:
Are you telling me you would say you like big butts and you could lie about it.
Me: Sure
(Click)
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