Dos Equis beer recently ended one the most entertaining
advertising campaigns ever, when they “retired” The Most Interesting Man in the
World by sending him to Mars. The
commercials would start off my showing the guy in various pursuits with
statements such as “Exotic birds form clubs to watch him, - he is the most
interesting man in the world.”
However, the most interesting part of the commercials for
guys were the endings. The Man would say
“I don’t drink beer often, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis.” Of course this was a total lie, since every time
we see guy, he is in fact drinking beer.
He is a pathetic alcoholic for all we know and may belong in a 12-step
program. But what is really interesting is
that he is always sandwiched (or should I say sammiched) between two gorgeous
ladies, both leaning towards him, hanging on his every
word. They are so enthralled by his interestingness, they seem eager to jump
right on his lap, or perhaps something else.
These women are in their 30’s or younger 40’s, as to not make
it too creepy (The Man was in his 60’s when the campaign started and is
70-something now). And the women aren’t
hookers or floozies, they are high-class, exotic, ladies. You get the idea they came to the bar with
dates, but quickly abandoned them to get close to The Man.
When I saw the first commercial with those gorgeous women
hanging all over him, I thought, “Wow, he’s going to have a difficult choice
tonight”. After viewing several of the
commercials, all with the different lovely ladies at the end, I realized he is
not going to have to choose between the two women. He is The Most Interesting
Man in the World, so he never has to. Therefore, he is also “The Most Three-somed
Man in the World”. At his age, he would
be a better spokesperson for Viagra than some beer.
 |
| Very, very, interesting! |
The last line in every spot is: “Stay thirsty my friend”. This on the surface doesn’t make sense,
because if you drink the beer, you shouldn’t be thirsty anymore, correct? Except he’s not saying exactly what to stay
thirsty for, is he? I can assure you
that stuff doesn’t come in a bottle. So the
message to guys is: drink this beer, look interesting to women, and then hubba,
hubba, sis boom bah.
The
Most Interesting Spammed Man in the World
Now I was thinking how uninteresting I am compared to The
Most Interesting Man in the World, until you look at my e-mail spam
folder. Then I become interesting, very
interesting. In fact, I become, The Most Interesting Spammed Man in the
World! Just look:
Prancing
With The Czars
A beautiful, young, woman, Natalya, is a former Olympic
gymnast and descendant from the Czars. She wants to immigrate and marry me so
the Russian government will not seize the $3.6 million secret trust fund she
will inherit when she turns 25 soon. She
promises to be a very flexible companion.
I will have to check with my wife first, but this does sound interesting
….
Make
Love To All The Girls Near You!
This subject line could get you imprisoned for life, but it
is hawking a special cologne which makes you irresistible to any and all
women. They lose all control and literally
attack you. It could be interesting, sure
there is my neighbor Hot Carla, but I would be afraid to leave my house with
the widow Cooper right next door and Large Linda just down the street.
Mass
Quantities of Boner Pills
Word must has gotten out that I was considering making love
to all the women near to me, because the Toronto Pharmacy sent me a great offer
for boner pills. They think I would be interested
in their 120-pill package, to improve my package.
Many
Russian Women Want Me
Other Russian women must have found out about Natalya,
because dozens are now vying for my affection.
One young women Inga, promises to CENSORED
me repeatedly until I CENSORED. Wow,
that would be interesting.
Booty
Call!
Eva says she feels horny today and needs someone like me! This could get interesting!
Five
More Boner Pill Offers!
Obviously in response to all this women action, five more
offers for boner pills, promising fast shipping!
I’m
Due A Refund!
Regrettably, my recent order totaling $571,590 has been
cancelled and they need my bank account number to transfer all my refund money. I must have forgotten about placing that
order, but interestingly, I’ll take that cash!
Lonely
Asian Girls Are Looking For Boyfriends
I have international appeal now since dozens of Asian women
want to be my companion. It’s like a
digital version of The Bachelor – except I am married and these women are much
younger than me. These women claim to be wonderful girlfriends and assure me each
date will have a happy ending. That would be interesting.
7 More
Boner Pill Deals!
Must have heard about all those Asian women ….
A Very
Interest Package
UPS has informed me that I have a package for pick up that
was sent from Amsterdam. I don’t
remember ordering anything from Amsterdam. Perhaps it was sent by one of my new
international friends. I wonder what is
in it! Sounds like fun! If I just pay shipping
charges, the mystery grab bag is all mine. Oh baby, is this interesting.
My
Recent Hotel Receipt
An exclusive, $2000/night, resort hotel on an island off
the east coast of Africa sent me a copy of my receipt from a recent stay. I’m interested to see if the room was for
two, since my wife was not with me and if I ordered room service for two. Maybe
I was with an exotic, Dos Equis-type, babe. Exotically interesting!
A Dying
Widow
A widow in Nigeria is dying of cancer and needs someone to
inherit the $2.2 million her husband had deposited in a local bank. She is pleading with me to stand-in as her
next of kin. I may be able to walk like
an Egyptian, but it’s going to be difficult to look like a Nigerian, but for the
big money, it will be interesting to try!
A
Request
Lydia wants me to treat her to my ….. OH MY! That is certainly an interesting request.
Congratulations!
Someone named Rockstar is congratulating me about something
– Probably my new book! Rockstar sounds
so interesting!
Indian
Woman Want Me As Well
These women want to be my wife, but they emphasize their
intelligence over their beauty, since they claim they have expert knowledge of
the Kama Sutra. That must be the local community college. They sound
interesting.
9 More
Boner Pill Offers
Rebuilding
Libya
The Libyan Prime Minister has contacted me for help is
reconstructing Libya and has requested I submit a quotation of my products and
services to the Ministry of Finance. Could be interesting!
An
Invitation
Lydia has invited me to a wild sex orgy and has requested
that I “put on those lovely navy jeans for me”. I didn’t know you had to dress
up for an orgy, but apparently you do for this one. Sounds like an interesting
party.
12
More Boner Pill Emails
I need to review these in lieu of Lydia’s recent
invitation.
A Tragedy
Someone with my same last name has perished in a plane
crash in the Andes. He has no family and they have searched the world diligently
for someone with my name to inherit his $4.3 million estate. I do think Uncle Fred would want me to have
this. So interesting.
100%
Risky Free
Mrs. Koski in Australia wants to transfer $10.5 million to
me to help build an orphanage. She
assures me “this business in 100% risky free”. She strongly believes in “no trust, no
friendship, in every business”. Sure, I’m interested in helping orphans!
Loan
Offer
They are offering me $9,800, pre-approved, with 100%
acceptance. Normally this would not be
very interesting, except I need to: Pay to bring Natalya here, buy some
cologne, secure that package, apply for a refund, date some Asians, contact the
African hotel, help that dying widow, learn some Kama Sutra, buy some sexy
jeans, apply for my inheritance, care for the orphans, and most importantly,
purchase 5,000 boner pills!
(Cue the music) …. I Am The Most Interesting Spammed Man in
the World!
Keep reading, my friends.
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